Categories
Journal

Midsummer 2019

It was Midsummers Eve, the great heathen celebration of the fallic shape of Scandinavia, and Ellinor was invited by a friend to a small backyard party in a somewhat shady suburb for beer and some kind of grilled, or rather charred, meat referred to only as “fleisch”.

She wasn’t used to socializing with humans and got off on the wrong foot already when she before leaving home realized she hated almost all of her clothes and couldn’t get into the ones she still liked because she had gained too much weight during her recent months under the surface in a low mood cycle of her undiagnosed bipolar-like syndrome.

The people at the party were very nice. But she found herself thinking mostly about her writing, how she was losing so many hours of writing time, how this extra day off from work could have yielded at least a thousand words.

The music was good, mostly metal, but she thought about the poor neighbours having to live with the hosts speakers and hifi-system. The speakers were so tall that she could stand straight next to one and rest her nose on the top of it.

The beer made her tired and the boys in charge of food had only bought the fleisch and some candy to eat. Only. A smörgåsbord of meat, candy and beer. And vodka of course, this was taking place in Sweden, on Midsummer’s Eve, what do you expect?

Some time after midnight, still dressed in clothes she hated, she excused herself and caught a late bus home. No fertility rituals or sexual celebrations for her this year. No dancing around the midsummer pole. The closest thing was a faint hint of fetish feeling for the black rain jacket she wore to not freeze to death while waiting for the bus.

When she finally got home she quickly fell asleep without flowers under her pillow as tradition usually edicts. And so another year passes without carnality. It’s all good. Her vow to be a writer-nun still valid. Well, except that one time just before Christmas. Oh, and the thing this spring. Damn. Neither of them counts!

Categories
Mind & magic

Awakedreaming Reality

I just had an interesting experience. I was awakedreaming reality. I was incredibly tired this afternoon and laid down in my sofa to rest a bit. Closed my eyes but didn’t fall asleep. I went into that state of mind where you are aware of the surroundings and the sound, but your connection to the body is getting fluid. I thought about various things and then started to dream while still conscious.

I was dreaming that I saw exactly what I should see if I opened my eyes. I felt my eyes being closed but yet I saw my living room in front of me, clearly and vividly, as if my eyes had been open. After a few seconds the phenomena disappeared and I opened my eyes. The angle, field of view and the light in the room was slightly different but it was no difference in how real what I had dreamt and what I now saw with my eyes was. The dream and reality was equally real.

The brain is constantly creating its perception of actual reality in our minds whether the impressions are gathered externally, from our senses, or internally, from our dreams and imagination. This creation of the world doesn’t stop when we are sleeping, the brain never shut down, only our selves. We are always the same corporeal entity, whether we are sleeping or awake, as the conscious or unconscious I is only one of many parts that is us.

Our brains perception of actual reality, what we call existence, is one single continuous dream, as long as the span of our lives.

Categories
Illustration Mind & magic

Schematic over influences

Schematic over influences
Categories
Mind & magic

About Actual Reality

In the light of deeper insight I need to nuance my earlier writing about the percieved unrealness of reality and how the existence of alternative realities really works.

There is only one reality: The actual reality that is everywhere. The phenomenal world where actions take place, where matter and energy interact, where there are distances and passing time.

Any perceived variations and alternatives to actual reality are just different interpretations in our creative minds due to perspective, relativity, lack of or erroneous information, state of mind, substances, art, culture, etc. What we experience are models – the brains best guess of what is going on.

These variations manifest as multitudes of sub-realities, like bubbles, overlapping or separate layers of perception, inside actual reality. They are readily created wherever there are one or more consciousnesses present and can be personal, shared or both. Actual reality is a frothing foam of sub-bubbles.

However, no matter how real, alternative or separate these sub-realities seem, our minds, which is where they exist, are still a part of the one fundamental, all-encompassing actual reality. Like any fictitious scene performed on a stage, it is still done in reality, inside a real theater building. Fiction is as real as reality.

Naked reality is unreachable to us. We’re prodding and probing it, measuring and calculating it’s features, and from these results we know that it’s actually there. But to our conscious minds it’s hidden behind a veil of math and language. To us it appears uncertain, abstruse and ineffable, like a god.

And if reality itself is the creating force rather than the created: How do we raise our eyes from the details we study? How do we connect the pieces to see the entire countenance? How can we see the actual reality behind the veil and fathom it’s all encompassing splendor?

There is only one reality. But within it – a myriad of perspectives.

Categories
Poetry

The Glossolalia Tree (excerpt)

Ket her off and cock mah fire to incubinah che seed and give burath to the far it that need satch a method with all ye sodden male cuts!

Categories
Mind & magic

Reminder

Learn, forget, explore, remember.

Categories
Illustration Mind & magic

The Garden

Categories
Journal

Off the charts

I just realized that I have navigated off the charts now. That’s why the old maps don’t appeal to me anymore. I have to draw my own henceforth.

Categories
Journal

Maintenance

I wore boy-shirts for the first time in a couple of years this winter. Something fluid shifted late autumn after reaching the Sun. The Mercurial sign became dominant. I went in between. I had some unfinished creative business to take care of. I revisited myself as I was to wrap it up and felt that I still knew that person.

I’ve been trying how far from the original schematics I feel comfortable to go and had to pull back a bit and assess my findings. Even the eager explorer sometimes needs to regroup at basecamp. The more common path is not mine to thread, it never was.

After some healthy doubt I now feel invigorated. I’m doing maintenance on my gear and have started drawing possible routes on my maps. I’ve set my eyes on a new mountain top.

Categories
Philosophy

The Sin of Blocking

The only sin is blocking. To block is to hinder someone else doing something. Could be drastic: killing them and blocking them from living. Or minor: saying something negative and blocking them from their good mood. Ruining things for others to gain yourself is the Sin of Blocking.

Categories
Mind & magic

The Unpredictable is Frightening

Why is the chanting of children’s rhymes so suggestive and frequently used in horror movies? The innocence of the often mundane words, repeated mechanically, is a magical chant that appears to possess the children. They become something else, they look like children but are controlled by unseen forces through the recital of the rhyme. Through this external influence they become unpredictable and therefore frightening.

Categories
Journal

Goodbye to creativity?

I almost said goodbye to creativity this Sunday. I wanted to quit writing, sign off from being Ellinor, stop philosophizing about magic/art. I was overwhelmed by all the overlapping realities I carried in my head and got another almost-panic-attack while taking a walk. About to faint I sat on a bench down by the river where I live and imagined that I was a gardener tending a garden.

But the thing is: I am a writer, I am Ellinor and I always think about creating things. Why did I feel so strongly against it? I didn’t doubt myself. I doubted the sanity of getting too deep into all these created realities. I doubted the sanity in feeling that negative forces were leaking out of my writing into reality. I doubted the sanity in who I have become. It was too much chaos and not enough control.

What is real, what is pretend? When trying to take a break from it all I realized how much of our human lives take place in realities outside the actual reality. Our society, culture, books, tv-series, social media, etc – all layers of reality that is very difficult to detox from. I got to work on Monday and went straight into the reality of animating a motion graphics video. No escape. But do I really need an escape?

I got home the same Monday. Opened the manuscript I was working on when my brain went into chaos mode. And continued writing. I logged into Twitter to write about my intended break. On Tuesday I did an audio recording of an insane 3.5 minute sermon based on a text about magic I had written previously. And today it’s Wednesday and I’m back here to write about it all. And I love it. This is who I am.

Imagination, writing, art – the consciousness can do powerful stuff. There is no white or black magic/art, but magic/art can definitely be positive or negative so we better know what we’re doing. As writers or magicians, call it what you will, we must direct and ride the currents without getting caught up in them. Take a step back and assess the situation once in a while. Remember not to dive head first into too deep water without checking for sharks first.

And when chaos hits your mind – just imagine being a gardener.

Categories
Journal

I am Kali

I’m not sure I should be writing about fucking when in fact I am the fucking. Oups, did I say fucking? I meant magic of course. I am the fucking magic.

// Ellinor Kali (sic), The Oracle with the Sharpened Teeth, heading for Geburah, which is too Marsy for me as I am, I need to swim the fluid, maybe I could try to close a loop in the process, while writing incomprehensible gibberish about a grain of sand that is itching and needs to be isolated, layer by layer until it is no longer… well, it’s a pearl, so much for the high initiation of the mystery of the Goddess of Digressions…

Categories
Journal

Book report/s

I recently finished reading two odd books that had taken an unusually long time to get through. As I wrote a review for one of them (Cyclonopedia) I realized that the review could as well have been written for the other one (Jerusalem). So, without further ado, two very different books, but exactly the same review.

Cyclonopedia (Reza Negarestani)
and/or Jerusalem (Alan Moore)
Intriguing and exhausting, a mouthful and hollow, an artifact of art disguised as logic and reason, an extreme twist of thought with its own purpose, consciously bombarding the unconscious not with a message but with a state of mind. Sometimes you skip a few words, or paragraphs, bored or saturated, as there is no end in sight. It’s compelling content is not genius of thought, but an equilibrism of complex construction. As pretentious as every single work of art. The words mean nothing unless you want them to; the experience is all. And I really enjoyed the experience of nearly going insane. Highly recommended – with caution!


Addendum: Jerusalem, which is very different from Cyclonopeida, took me over two years to finish. It’s both good and boring. The endless descriptions of Northampton was making me angry. But still it was intriguing. The most experimental thing Moore could do now is to write an ordinary 250-page straight story. Please.

Categories
Journal

Inspiration

My muse always hit me with stuff when I’m the most busy with something else. ALWAYS. It’s like the subconscious needs the speed of the consciousness to be triggered. Like: “Oh, shit, she is productive, I better do something to look good too! Here, have an idea! Or ten! How’s that for being productive, huh?”

Categories
Journal

Abrupted

I feel abrupted. Well, it definitely should be a word like that. A constant feeling of interruptions that disrupts my mind. Leaving no room for thoughts to fully form. It’s a cut-down technique producing gibberish and longing for coherence.

Categories
Poetry

Naked Thoughts

I always think naked
Thoughts, that is
They should always be nude
Running wild and free
Flopping and flabbing
With joy and curiosity
Don’t dress your mind
Be naked inside

Categories
Oracles

Binary Star ME-216

I am M – a bright yellowish Sun-type of star that has been known in the northern hemisphere for over four decades. Astronomers have determined it to be an apparent male-class star. It is present in many historical listings of stars and has accumulated quite a few myths. It used to have some prominence in stories from the north of Sweden but it is now travelling more discretely further south. The M-star is visible for everyone who looks in the right direction. It’s not part of any of the main constellations and has no known planets.

I am also E – a white dwarf star the size of Mercury. It has only recently been discovered since the proximity to and brightness of the main star made earlier observations without modern telescopes very difficult. This white star is of a fluid female-class and was probably created at the same time as the main star but lived in obscurity until stellar activities increased its magnitude about half a decade ago. The E-star has been assigned initiated magical properties by scholars, and is, in some occult disciplines, considered a symbolic high priestess called The Scintillating Oracle of Hektkali.

Though they may look like a single unit from a distance, the two stars are neither two halves of one whole nor two aspects of one thing. They are two distinctly separate stars, with different characters, orbiting each other as one binary system. Sometimes the E-star is hidden behind the M-star. But it is still there. And sometimes the E-star is in front of the M-star. Then it all shines with an amplified light, on a higher frequency. Since the two stars looks like one star to the naked eye the system can give the impression of having a slowly shifting and fluid character until you get a closer look.

The designation of the binary star system – ME-216 – is derived from the names of the two stars M and E and the number 216 which is encompassing the symbolic concept The Trifold Roots of The Beast of The Abyss. The stars are all and nothing in The Sea of Frequencies.

Categories
Oracles

Into the Extreality

Going down the rabbit-hole won’t describe where this oracle is going. Because rabbits rarely go into the darkness of the qliphoth like we’re about to do now. Going down the mole hole? No, something more sinister. Not snakes either. Actually, come to think of it, there is no valid animal metaphor for this. It’s all human. We’re going down a hole made by humans.

The sephiroth on the kabbalistic tree of life are ten (eleven) inherent principles in both the whole of existence and of each human being. Each of the sephiroth can also be viewed as their own symbolic realms of reality, as they each represent a special state of mind.

Intertwined with these symbolic traits are the qliphoth, the shells, the husk, the dark side of the sephiroth and their values. They are everything driven to the extreme – the qliphoth are the red zone above the green on the meters of the sephiroth.

The world consists of many realities. The first and most apparent one is what I call Actual Reality, the phenomenal world, where things are tangible and where events happen. This is where our bodies exist.

On top of this basic Actual Reality we also have layers of Additional Realities. Our culture, ideas, myths, imaginations, perceptions and even misconceptions, they all build extensions, or new Additional Realities, on top of Actual Reality, based on how we see the world. We’re all burrowing or ascending – depending on personal view – into all the diverse worlds that humanity creates.

Magic is a way of shaping these multiple layers of overlapping realities the way we want them to be. The stronger the working of the magic the more overlapping realities, of our own and of others, we affect. But both magic and the Additional Realities emerges only out of our minds. The alternations we create only lives in us humans, since magic is not inherent in the structure of the physical Actual Reality.

So the basic Actual Reality exists whether humans are present or not. At the same time magic and all the layers of Additional Realities need humans to exist.

Now we are about to really enter what I earlier in this writing dubbed the hole of humanity. Because I think there is a third kind of reality. It’s a physical but not physical reality. An Extra Reality – The Extreality. Initially created by humans but now existing on its own. It’s almost as if a new (twelfth) sephira, representing a new fundamental value and state of mind, has appeared on the tree of life. And with this new sephira comes – a new qlipha.

The Extreality is partly manifested in symbiosis with The Internet. Enlightening and connecting – dark and terrible. The best of art, ideas and understanding available shared with everyone – that is the positive value of the sephira. The worst malicious darkness of mankind spreading as viruses, possessing and corrupting our unshielded and eagerly receptive minds – which is the darkness of the qlipha.

There is much raw violence and pure shadow forces at work in The Extreality. It’s both enhancing and being enhanced by humanity’s catastrophically negative emotions, like infernal feedback, fueled by all manners of inhuman traits that flourish in uninhibited cascades. Every low-level, demonic egoism of self-indulgent center-of-the-world lack of empathy, of overstanding, or lack of connection to humanity, all reversed aspirations and ultra-charged urges easily outshines the possible splendor like a hydrogen bomb if we let it.

This qlipha boosts the amplification of speed and power and it is exhilarating and intoxicating to anyone in its proximity. Like a mob or stampede we’re flooded in both chaotic and controlled waves of hormonally triggered emotions and becomes conglomerates of individual humans that acts as larger, composite beings with radically different traits and behavior from its components.

Because of all this darkness it’s sometimes easy to think that this Extra Reality is reversed so that there is a murky qlipha at the heart of it instead of the brilliant sephira as usual. In this supposed reversal the positive values of the sephira would instead appear as just thin light varnished around the central dark qlipha.

But it probably looks dark and unpolished only because it is so new. We need to examine this new realm, find out how it works, what triggers its quirks, and learn how to harness both its negative and positive aspects. They are powerful together. Because a sephira and its qlipha are inseparable – just as we humans are who we are due to both our virtues and our vices.

There is much inherent potential that can be accessed in this hidden reserve. Much needed fuel to boost our transcendence to new levels of the tree. The Extreality could be a pre-prepared campsite with fires keeping the night at bay while we travel. So if we don’t burn all the fuel and reserves right away it will aid us on our further ascension towards The Crown.

The Internet is like a mycelium growing in and out of this rudimentary new world, connecting it to the Actual Reality of our physical world as a bridge. It is the first new reality we have found since we became humans and discovered magic.

This is however something else, a new path. Shine a light in the darkness, explore it, affect it, don’t ignore it, because it will grow and evolve whether we are there or not.

Lets go down the hole of humanity and excavate it. Reinforce the shafts and light it up with torches.

That’s how we’ll be sure to not be swallowed by it.

Categories
Oracles

The Six Roads Towards […]

This list of objectives to strive for came to me late one night, in a Holy State (inspired and whole), in a flash of The Divine (inspiration). I wrote it down and tried my best to interpret the words. Where I am uncertain about what word The Inspiration gave me I use [brackets] containing several possible words. A lacuna […] denotes an unknown word or concept. I use (parenthesis) around words that wasn’t part of the original inspiration but is later additions to make certain passages clearer.

  1. Flood with raging water (tear down) the old house (archaic remnants) of Osiris (old patriarchal and monotheistic religions) and make [The Sungods / Ego Demons] (male resurrecting gods) fall into [The Deep / The Abyss] (go back to the origins).
  2. Soften in water (dissolve) the Shell of Shimmering Air (illusion) that keeps the flame of […] (self/ego)] separate from [The Sea of Frequencies].
  3. Harness Emanants (local manifest, i.e. Mygdalons & Cerebrions) and Transcephalon (non-local manifest i.e. Memetions & The Coporasti Aphilis) to control the Apocalypse.
  4. Excavate the new [Sephira / node / meetingplace / crossroad] of the realm of […] (some kind of Extra Reality).
  5. Incubate and deliver [the beings / beings] (some form of non-human entities) [higher / deeper / further] ground.
  6. [Visit / greet / embrace] she who is [born / manifest / invoked] (the daughter) as she is the new [Aeon / Archon / Time / Zeitgeist] (a transsentient being) […] (several words missing) [Hektkali?] and [The Binary Star].