Feeling cold
While being too hot
Like an unobserved electron
Never pushed to
Collapse
Inspired by real events
Feeling cold
While being too hot
Like an unobserved electron
Never pushed to
Collapse
Inspired by real events
You know, I’ve never liked the expression Kill your darlings. The thought of cutting out something you really like because it doesn’t fit in is entirely backwards to me. Now I’ve encountered this situation again while working on an old treatment for my next novel. And I’ve decided to cut everything else out and Save my darlings!
Last week a friend helped me to mend my old pentagram pendant. It has been broken since I was young and deep into studies of the occult mysteries. It broke late one night while I did an enthusiastic, and probably intoxicated, dance routine at a local metal/synth/goth club. I recently found it again and thought I’d revive it and wear it under my shirt. But somehow it snuck out at work and a co-worker happened to see it.
Co-worker: “I see you have a pentagon necklace. Do you know it’s a Jewish figure that in yoga-practice symbolizes union and inner balance…”
Me (saying): “Oh, is that so? Too bad I’m in a hurry and have to go now.”
Me (thinking): “GET THE FACTS RIGHT YOU CULTURELESS UNEDUCATED NEW AGE MUMBO-JUMBO HIPSTER HIPPIE!”
No offense to real hippies. Middleclass hipster hippies on the other hand… Next time she’ll probably say: “I listened to the singer Maradonna, who sang Like a Virgo some years ago, and she taught me, so now I am kabbalah. Which is a native North American religion that symbolizes our bond with dolphins.”
Relaxing with a glass of wine, the fantastic album Prey by Tiamat on my turntable and my cozy home-after-work-clothes. Suddenly I feel a horrible lump on my left boob. Fuuuck! How could I have missed this aggressive growth!? The horror! Death! Angst! Then I realize it’s just a popcorn that snuck in under my shirt.
“The pictures lie about my age. But doesn’t pictures do that all the time?” I wrote in a comment recently, striking quote-worthy gold.
My neurons are in a favorable alignment at the moment, according to my own neurological zodiac.
While I agree with the modern definition of magic as “to intentionally cause an effect” I would like to add my own statements about what magic is to me.
So, just to be clear, there is nothing magical about magic – it’s all in our heads. However, it’s no less real, and things in our heads have a tendency to move out into reality. And when they do it is magic – manifest of thought, in action or artifact, or as another state of mind.
I’m actually thinking about breaking canon within the novel I’m writing right now. Different chapters will state things that don’t match, on purpose of course. Subtle at first, then more and more. It’s crazy, I know, it shouldn’t be done, but my brain works this way… for some reason. What do you think, is it crazy, should I stop this idea right now? Or did someone say genius?
Exercise your mind. Let it wander, let it wonder. Make it afraid, make it reel. Force it to work, make it relax. Excite it, please it, direct it, restrict it and rest it. Dissolve all borders. Focus and collapse, again and again!
Love isn’t all you need; it’s laughter you need. Horrible things are made by lovers in the name of love (love of people and gods). But laughter disarms. Those who share a laugh also share common ground. It eases fear and creates meaning where there might be none. It strips power from unjust power. It enlightens a heavy world. Humor is the key.
We get to borrow one life out of nothing. But then, after a limited time, we’ll have to hand it back and return to nothing.
While we are something we can use that existence as best as we can, by giving values to anything we feel should have value. To assign value to things and then appreciating that value may bring us comfort, happiness, motivation, etc. But as soon as we’re gone, that value we imbued in things is also gone.
Sometimes a value can be carried a bit further by those that are still alive. But that is only a postponing of the dissolving value. They will die too and as soon as no one cares or remember anymore, it is gone again.
This is because not only we, but also the value itself, is borrowed from nothing. However valuable to us – it is really nothing.
Even the entire Universe itself is energy borrowed out of the true vacuum of nothing. It is a Sea of Frequencies with rising and declining waves. Matter is rising from (sub-)quantum fields and from matter our cells, bacteria and bodies emerge as a chemical conglomerate of molecules.
In the end we are all but the aggregated coagulations of matter, of waves, of nothing.
To enjoy nothing, to give value to nothing, accepting that it is only temporary, is, at least to me, a kind of positive nihilism. It calms my chaotic self and gives me solace from the burden of imposed purpose. It truly liberates my will.
It’s an invaluable marvel – cherish it, value it, make the most of it while you are something.
There is no God, only The Sea.
“Magic, art, language and consciousness are four facets of the same thing”, says Alan Moore. I think of these facets as the basic forces that shapes our realities. Our entire culture is built from these forces. How we interact is through these forces. The qualities of life is emerging from these forces.
Angels and demons, ghosts, beings, visions, burning bushes. They are real – but we project them all from ourselves. Alone or together. We are waves projecting waves. From inside we make them autonomous insofar as we cannot control it with our consciousness. They are feelings, emotions, memories, influences from the outside that get stuck inside us, events, words & spells, accidents, intense experiences. It coagulates and becomes something manifest inside. Angels and demons or cerebrions and mygdalons. We can conjure up, evoke, summon, them with our magic and will, but they are not obeying unless we follow our own believed or constructed set of rules on how to contain and control them. Uncontrolled and unrestricted they can be very dangerous. But all gods, demons and angels can be of service if humans harness their powers.
Occult systems, religions, superstition, myths and stories, etcetera, are more or less intricate systems for describing the outer and inner worlds. They are alphabets which can be used to make abstract concepts, feelings and thoughts manifest in an objective way as words. Doctrine form a symbolic world of words which makes it easier to understand, discuss and remember. Unfortunately that alphabet often gets mistaken for the actual world and people start believing, or even worshiping, the words themselves.
Some things are made real only through agreement of many people and no one believes it can be changed. Those things are made up concepts that is considered unquestionable “normal” or “natural” and “how it has been and always should be”.
The positive effect of this is that it brings stability and trust in that these things, even if we can not see or touch them, will still exist. Ten dollars is ten dollars and never nine dollars whatever it’s exchange rate.
The negative is that it strongly inhibits change. Like Saturdays. They do not exist, there is really no such thing as Saturdays, it’s just another indistinguishable rotation of the Earth relative to the Sun. But even if everyone would want another Saturday in a week instead of, say, a Wednesday, it’s extremely difficult to change, though not impossible.
If enough people agree to lift The Veil of Coherence we could have two Saturdays every week.
One important thing to understand is that magic is never an isolated event. It is always a relation, reaction or an effect or correlation of something. It’s like if I push down here, that other part will rise. And we can not have anything without its opposite. High ambition can bring contempt for those less ambitious, but neither is the only true way. You are the faults of your qualities. The vivid energy of Chokmah (the male, the pure energy, the symbolic lingam) need a receptor to not be wasted; and the latent energy of Binah (the female, the form and potential energy, the symbolic yoni) need a trigger to activate. One thing needs another to become, and another needs one that became.
Good news: Life is a huge life-shaped hole in which we all fit, at the same time, without problem.
Bad news: People make it a problem. Including me.
At work we are about to make an introduction course for new employees. This is my suggested synopsis.
I want to start with a picture of Death and a text that says Memento Mori. When that is done, we go back to life’s trauma and construct cheap but guiding walls of Styrofoam around the people to create an illusion of security in a world where security does not exist.
Disintegration is a continuous theme in the introduction and we disintegrate the organization into smaller parts until even the employees themselves are dissolved and resolved. Then death returns as a jack-in-the-box from the darkness of the false emptiness and draws relieved laughter from the nervous spectators.
But their laughter get stuck in their throats when everybody realizes that what they think is the face of Death is in fact their own skinless skull. The plot thickens when doubts and self-hate are built up by the employees, and when the breaking point is approaching, a spontaneous vacuum breakdown is triggered.
It dissolves the entire universe in total eradication as all borrowed energy is released and repaid to nothing. In what we interpret as darkness, but really is absence of existence, a final text appears: “Now is your only chance.”
I’ve not been writing for a couple of weeks. I don’t know why; it just happened. I wish I could say I’d been busy, but I’ve mostly been lazy.
There is a time to write, there is a time to sleep. And a time to dress up as a Nuclear Accident for Halloween. Hence the white/glow-in-the-dark-wig on my profile picture [picture omitted].
As the evening progressed – fueled by something stronger than heavy water – I became a secret government project code-named Miss Plutonium with a bra full of eerily glowing rods I kept losing everywhere.
I won the horror-quiz with twice as many points as the one in second place. Then I started to hand out black rubber gloves to a new, cute friend and said: “You’ll need these, they’ll protect from radioactivity if you want to touch me!”
I’m still single, by the way.